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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23566450">You don't know what he means to me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OopsIDK/pseuds/OopsIDK'>OopsIDK</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, College, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Light Angst, Lovers to Friends, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Older Man/Younger Woman, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 05:47:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23566450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OopsIDK/pseuds/OopsIDK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey is a new freshman in college, and on her 19th birthday, the only present she receives is an F on a statistics paper. She tries to remedy her issues, but is just given a host of new problems, both welcome and unwelcome.</p>
<p>This is basically a 'feelings are hard, Rey and Ben need a hug', fic</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Your beauty is beyond compare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey hated her Statistics class. She wasn’t bad at it, sure, but she still hated it. She hated how she felt dumb when she got grades back, hated how her proffessor was flippant with her questions in class, the way he disregarded her pleas for help. </p>
<p>She sat between her friends Finn and Poe until they ended up sitting to her right, an empty seat to her left. The lecture hall was too big for her liking. She grew up in a small but busy town, and her largest class had 16 people in it. Her intro to stats class had almost 100.</p>
<p>She talked a lot in that class. She wanted to prove to Dr. Solo that she cared, but her attempts got a ‘someone’s chatty’ and nothing more from him. </p>
<p>The class was hard for a lot of reasons. Dr. Solo was a fast talker, and he didn’t like to answer questions, dodging them by saying things like ‘If you had paid attention, you wouldn’t have to ask that.’ It made her blood boil.</p>
<p>On her 19th birthday, she got her first F in her life. It was on a data analytics paper. She chose to do hers on the upcoming presidential candidates and how they were doing in the polls. She compared 3 decades of polling information for primaries, almost wholly deciding who would win the nomination. She was so confident she was right she bet $50 to Poe that she’d be right. </p>
<p>The test said nothing but a simple F across the paper. Everyone else’s was thoroughly marked in a neat red cursive that covered the margins. Her’s just said F in a beautiful script. She fumed. Before she could say anything, a quick ‘Class Dismissed’ was announced. Before she left, however, he added something. “My office hours are tomorrow from 6-8PM. If you have any questions, then is the time.”</p>
<p>He never had office hours open for his intro classes. He was the only professor that didn’t have office hours open multiple days a week, if it was open that week at all. So, although Rey hated him, and he seemingly hated her, she decided to arrive at his office.</p>
<p>The next day was a Friday. She planned to go out with Poe later, so she wore a tight cream pencil skirt that resided itself right above her knees and a white cold shoulder top that flowed on her athletic frame nicely. It was a bit inappropriate for a meeting with your professor, but she tried to be flippant about the whole situation. She would have a quick, stern talk with him, then get her grade fixed. It would be simple and effective with absolutely no funny business.</p>
<p>She walked toward the mathematics hallway, looking at the simple gold plaques. She had heard of some of the names, but for the most part she was scanning for the letter S. Finally, after a Ms. Saber, she got to the door, labeled Dr. Solo in a simple typewriter font. It was 6:03. She knocked. </p>
<p>There was a moment of pause before she heard the door open, a simple click and she was face to face with the man that plagued the first semester of her freshman year. He was about a full head taller than her, maybe a bit more. He wore a black short sleeve button down with red buttons and black slacks. He was slightly too close to her, like he was looming over her. After an excruciating moment of him looking her up and down with a disinterested look, he stepped aside. “Come in.”</p>
<p>She shuffled in, sitting at the large armchair across from his L shaped desk. He had a simple yet sleek aesthetic, his desk being occupied mostly by his shiny black laptop. He didn’t sit, just stood and looked at her, disinterested. </p>
<p>“Why are you here, Ms. Anderson?” He asked flatly, maybe slightly accusatory. </p>
<p>“Well,” She said, looking anywhere but into his eyes, letting her own eyes settle on his shoulder. It was broad, the shirt tight against his bicep. She flushed, suddenly very nervous. “I am here because I wanted to talk about my most recent grade.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you mean that garbage paper you tried to pass as acceptable?” She looked up, shocked. “I don’t wish to remember that again. There are students that may actually need me today. You can scoot along.”</p>
<p>His dismissive, rude attitude fired up Rey. “First of all, my paper was not garbage. I put a lot of time and effort into that piece, and I know for certain it was good. Secondly, I am not ‘scooting’ anywhere until my grade is changed, or at the very least you explain what I did wrong.”</p>
<p>Dr. Solo snatched the paper from her hand and grabbed a pen from her desk, marking it furiously, like he expected this. After a few minutes of his feverish writing, he thrust the paper against her chest. Every paragraph had a detailed explanation as to what she had done wrong, even citing incorrect data she used. <em> Fuck, he was right </em>. “Do you still stand by your previous statement, Ms. Anderson?”</p>
<p>“Why do you hate me?” She asked, fuming. The question was childish, sure, but her tone gave no room for him to laugh. She was dead serious. “What the everloving <em> fuck </em> did I do to you?”</p>
<p>“You best watch your tongue,” He hissed, taking a step and leaning over her chair. Not one to be outmatched, she leaned closer to his face, staring him down. </p>
<p>“Why should I?” She said, deadpan. The lack of anger in her voice surprised him. “You never seem to be able to watch yours.”</p>
<p>“And what exactly do you mean by that,” He said, pushing a finger into her sternum. “You walk in here, demanding me to change your grade despite the fact you obviously didn’t read over the dribble you gave me, you’re flippant, you’re rude, you’re dressed like <em> that </em>. Lord, how am I supposed to do anything when you’re dressed like that.”</p>
<p>She could tell he wanted the conversation to be over, but she swatted his finger off her chest. “And why exactly is my clothing a problem for you?”</p>
<p>“You expect me to take you seriously when you’re dressed in such a fashion? At least I have the decency to look respectable for my students.”</p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t you take me seriously?” She bit back. “Too busy looking at me to grade my paper right? Aren’t you the one being indecent here?”</p>
<p>“I can take anything I want from you right now,” He threatened, eyes dark and angry. But there was something else, something subtle behind his blind fury. </p>
<p>“Then fucking <em> do it </em>,” She sneered. “You won’t.”</p>
<p>And suddenly his mouth was on hers, his hands groping her chest and tongue in her mouth. It was abrupt but somehow not unexpected. He was the opposite of gentle, squeezing the swell of her breast as he sucked hickeys into her neck. He dove his cold hands beneath the fabric covering her tits, the cold and the groping causing her nipples to harden under his touch. He smiled into her neck, rubbing hard circles on her nipple. “I’ll do whatever I want, Ms. Anderson.”</p>
<p>“My fucking name,” She gasped as he sucked on her earlobe. “Is Rey!”</p>
<p>“I don’t need to get to know you, Ms. Anderson. That isn’t what this is.” He pulled her shirt down and took off her bra, taking one of her breasts into his mouth. She swore. </p>
<p>“I know that isn’t what this is,” She said, attempting to keep her voice steady and firm. “I’m just here to get my grade remedied.”</p>
<p>“Stupid girl,” He smiled against her. “That isn’t what this is either. This is you saying I can’t take what I want. This is what I want.” He began to unbutton his own shirt, exposing the expanse of his chest. “This is always what I’ve wanted.To shut your fucking mouth, to do this to you.”</p>
<p>“Bet you spend your nights fucking yourself to the thought of me, Solo. Bet you think you’re hot shit because you finish alone in your room to a 19 year old.” He plunged three fingers into her mouth. She knew it was an effort to shut her up, but she didn’t take his hand out of her mouth. She simply sucked on him, hearing him moan quietly. She used one hand to palm him over his pants and slipped the other one under her pencil skirt.</p>
<p>“Did I fucking say you could touch yourself?” He grabbed her hand and put it on his face. “You’ll do what I fucking tell you to do and <em> only </em>do what I tell you. Do you fucking understand?”</p>
<p>She let herself gag lightly on his fingers as a response. He laughed, low and heavy, before pulling his fingers out of her mouth and kneeling in front of her. She let him push up her skirt and pushed her underwear aside. He began to tease her with his mouth. He kissed around her clit, but didn’t actually hit it. “Fuck you,” She spit.</p>
<p>Emboldened, he began to lick a stripe from her entrance to her clit, taking her in his mouth. Her legs shook under her, but she refused to let herself fall. He pushed a finger in her, and she pushed her thighs together around his head. </p>
<p>Unbothered, he continued to fingerfuck her, pushing another wide digit in her wet cunt. He pulled his lips off her, looking up. “Stupid, slutty girl. Look at me. Do you see who’s in control? I've got you wrapped around my finger.”</p>
<p>She pushed his hand out of her, but involuntarily whined when she felt empty suddenly. “You are going to fuck me on your desk, Solo. You’re going to come in me. I’m in control.”</p>
<p>She could see a conflict go through his eyes, but after a few beats he picked her up and placed her on his desk, back against the cold, polished wood. He quickly undid his slacks, letting them fall off him. He pulled himself out of his boxer briefs and pushed into her. </p>
<p>“Fucking slut,” She purred, pumping her slick clit with her hand. He grabbed her, leaning her up so he could kiss hickeys into her tits. “I bet that’s why you opened up your office, you were waiting for me to come in to fuck me. Am I better than your fucking hand, Dr?”</p>
<p>“It’s Ben to you,” He said between leaving bruises on her chest with his lips and teeth. “And I’ve always wanted to taste your lips, feel your pussy clench on my fucking cock. I see you in class and I want to shut you up by making you moan my name instead. Will you do that for me, bitch? Will you use that pretty, useless mouth to make me come in you?”</p>
<p>“Fuck- Fuck me, Ben. I want you to keep filling me up. I want you to finish in me.” She felt her own cunt clench around him as she came with his fast, animalistic thrusts. “Use me, Ben. Fucking destroy me.”</p>
<p>And with that, his cock twitched up in her, spilling in her wet cunt. He pulled out of her, pushing her back on the desk, watching his come drip out from between her spread legs.</p>
<p>The realization of what she just did came crashing down on her. She grabbed the tissues from off his desk to clean herself up, and she watched him dress himself, watching her. She got herself dressed, remembering she was supposed to meet Poe about 15 minutes ago. </p>
<p>Before she left, she turned back to him. He handed her her paper. “Thank you for the explanation, doctor.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I cannot compete with you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Damn, who, or what, did </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>to you?” Poe said, raising his fingers to draw across her exposed skin, over the angry red bites and fingerprints around her neck. “What on Earth happened to you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eczema,” She said dismissively, swatting his hand away. “Now lets have fun!” They were at a small college party with their friends. Her friend Finn had introduced her to the group, but Poe was the one that showed them the rest of their friends. The party wasn’t huge, but she liked it that way. Especially when she showed up disheveled and clearly up to something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She left Poe with a little wave and began to intermingle. She saw a friend from her Stats class, Kaydel, and wandered up to her. She took a swig of her beer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Rey! How’ve you been. I heard it’s your birthday!” She was always so enthusiastic. It didn’t bother Rey. “How’d you do on your paper?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her paper was still neatly folded in her pocket. “I did fine,” She lied. “But yeah, I turned 19 today.” She tried to not think of the ‘birthday present’ she received that day from her own god damn teacher. “How about you, did you do well on your paper?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She said something about him being a harsh grader, but she couldn’t focus. Her phone kept buzzing. She politely excused herself to walk off to check her phone. Most of the texts were from Finn asking if she wanted to dip to go back to his apartment to hang out. There was one email that she neglected to open. It was probably about midterm grades and she didn’t care enough to deal with that right now. She saw Poe walking out of the suite, toward the building’s hallway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment of shuffling through tightly packed students, she managed to escape to the hall, where she heard an elevator shut. She ran down to the elevator and mashed the down button. She didn’t quite understand her incessince to find Poe, but she knew it was really important that she get to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She watched the elevator’s plaque go down to the first floor, then return to her. She willed the elevator door to open faster, and when it finally did, she nearly crashed into Poe, who was walking out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey! Hey, what’s up?” He stepped out of the elevator, and to her surprise, Finn appeared from behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yikes, what happened to </span>
  <em>
    <span>you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Finn laughed, his eyes wide and astonished. “I thought you were celibate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a running gag in their friend group that Rey was destined to never have a man that could maintain her. Not in the sense that she was hard to manage, but rather in the sense that it was hard to fit into Rey’s life as a friend, and they couldn’t imagine a relationship fitting into her busy and, let’s say </span>
  <em>
    <span>urgent </span>
  </em>
  <span>lifestyle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Finn.” Her tone was serious, but her unnecessary middle finger to her friend let him know it was all in good fun. “And I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> were throwing your own party. Did sitting alone and drinking get boring?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m actually here to pick up Poe and bring him </span>
  <em>
    <span>to </span>
  </em>
  <span>my party. He just forgot his jacket. Do you want to come?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thought you’d never ask,” She joked. “Me and Poe can grab our stuff and go, but rumours will go off about us, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not that they don’t already,” He laughed. There was some truth to the jest, though. People thought her and Poe were a solid thing. If only they knew who she was really in bed with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They ran in, said their goodbyes, and left. The walk back to the dorm included Finn and Poe recounting their plans to drink in celebration of their newfound freedom. They had both dropped a history class that they were in together to work on the last day of add/ drop to a public speaking class. Rey knew this would just make their arguing skills better, so she considered talking them out of it, but she knew they both hated their old teacher so switching was probably best.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rey stayed mostly quiet on the walk, but tried her best to not seem suspicious. To be fair, her mind was wholly somewhere else. She couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened, how fast it had all happened, and how that was going to be her first time. But damn it was memorable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what have you and your eczema been up to?” Poe asked, snapping her back to reality. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tried her best to give a nonchalant shrug, but she knew it betrayed her nervousness. “I’ve had a pretty uneventful day,” She lied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed. She didn’t check it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Poe laughed, looking at her. “Really? Cause it looks like you got hit by a bus.” She had tried to freshen up, but she didn’t want to show up late, as that might look even more suspicious. “But I mean it in the best way, you know? Like you got hit by a sexy bus.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I mean, he’s not too far off</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Wow, thanks guys. Have I ever told you guys how kind and compassionate you both are?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Poe snickered, but Finn threw his hands up. “Don’t drag me into this. I’ve just been standing here!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She dismissed him with a wave of her hand. Her phone buzzed. She ignored it, but made a mental note to check it when she could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed as they got to the dorms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed when they were walking up the stairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And her phone buzzed twice, in rapid succession as they opened the dorm room door. She excused herself, seeing what everything was about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had received a few random texts from her friend Rose, a couple of emails, and 4 calls from an unknown number, followed by a voicemail and a text from the same number. The text literally just said ‘Pick up your phone. It’s important.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before she could check her voice message, she got another call from the number. Nervously, she picked up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey? This is Rey speaking.” She knew the introduction was clunky, but she didn’t know what else to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anderson,” A cool and familiar voice hummed. “I thought you might be ignoring me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus Christ, how did he get this number. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“No, profesor, I’ve just been out. I’m sorry.” She didn’t know why she apologized, after all it’s not like she ought to tell her teacher where she’d be on a Friday night, regardless of what had happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. Because I needed to talk to you.” His voice was low and steady but somehow urgent. “You’ve persuaded me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand?” She was nervous. What could he want from her?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can wear whatever you want in front of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the actual fuck is my life</span>
  </em>
  <span>? She thought. “I know. I never thought I couldn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you not hear me in my office? Because I thought I made myself quite clear of what you could and couldn’t do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I think I made myself clear that I was the one in charge. I needn’t repeat what I said or did. Or have you already forgotten?” She sighed. “But what has made you so kind as to change your mind on my bodily autonomy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to see how you push me in class. Although you claimed I was the whore, I know you are one too. I bet you want to show yourself off, just to distract me. Just to try to grab my attention as you always do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly Poe’s bathroom walls seemed impossibly thin, like everyone in the world could hear her teacher call her a whore over the phone. “So,” She all but whispered, “You want me to show up, all dressed up, just to distract you from your job? That sounds pretty slutty to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the other line, she heard the older man pur. “I told you to watch your tongue. You don’t like listening, do you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not to you, that’s for damn sure.” She heard footsteps coming to the bathroom. “But I have to go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I expect you to meet me in my office tomorrow at one. I am now your official statistics tutor, and failure to show up will dock your grade.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And with that, the line went dead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. You could have your choice of men</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Also, my chapter titles are all from a Dolly Parton song lmao</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She went home at 4 AM, and slept until 11. She was still slightly drunk when she woke up. In an attempt to bring her brain back to this Earth, she drank a cup of black coffee and took a cool shower. It didn’t really help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After her regular morning routine, it was noon. She had to be at her tutoring session in an hour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She considered not going, she really did. She thought it was obviously a ploy, that it was a waste of time, that it was dumb. She even thought about trying to drop the class, but she knew that wouldn’t fly, as she needed this course to graduate. She considered sending him a text that she was sick, that they couldn’t do this. But after all this deliberating, it was 15 minutes until she had to go, so she just decided to get dressed and head out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The simple task proved harder than it should’ve. She picked her outerwear quickly. She wore high waisted army green pants and a black and white grid button down crop top. But she was stuck on what to wear under it. This was a problem she had never had. She ended up deciding on a lace bralette that had a criss cross pattern on the chest and a matching set of underwear. She had bought it one time, figuring she’d need it one day. This was the first time she’s ever worn them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ended up arriving at his office ten minutes late. The shades were drawn on all the offices and no one was around, as it was a three day weekend. She knocked on the door, and there were a few beats of silence. She wondered if she was making a mistake, if this was dumb and unwarented. She wondered if this was all a sick, elaborate joke. She wondered what the actual fuck she was doing. As she turned to walk away, she heard a voice behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re late, Ms. Anderson.” His tone was dull and uninspiring as always, and she flinched hearing it. “That is hardly professional for your first day of tutoring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to bite back, but she was in a public space, so she had to submit to him. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” He smiled in a way that seemed inappropriate for being out in public. “Come in, I want to get started before the hour and a half time slot is up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked past him, her shoulder brushing against his chest as she squeezed past him to get in the door. She suddenly realized that the ball was wholly in his court, and she needed to take back some control. Before she figured out how, though, the door was closed and she heard his footsteps approaching behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This,” He said from behind her left shoulder, “Is a simple statistical interference problem. You should be aware of how to solve it using a homogeneity test. Using this data table here, tell me with a 0.05 level of significance if the preferences between boys and girls on television ratings are any different.” He paused, smiling to himself. “You have 15 minutes to complete it. But please do it standing up, it’s better for you anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>15 minutes was a long time for a problem like this. And the standing up thing was weird. But it all seemed pretty straightforward. She grabbed a pen from his holder and began to write. She heard him walk around for a moment before returning to his spot behind her. As he looked over her shoulder to see what she was doing, Rey felt an intense sensation between her legs. “Fuck, what is that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down, and Dr. Solo was holding a vibrating bullet against her pants. She tried her best to remain cool, continuing with her hypothesis and null hypothesis write up. But he then reached around and began to gently run his fingers over the fabric on her chest, and she squirmed, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of giving up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she worked through the Chi-square test, he used his foot to separate her legs, and put the bullet in her pants, resting right on her clit. How he was able to do that without seeing her was a mystery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued to analyze the sample data as he walked to the other side of the desk and watched her, fighting the corners of his mouth from betraying his excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought sitting was bad for you?” She managed as the buzz of the bullet seemed to intensify. She was aware of the wetness pooling from her core onto her underwear. She felt so degraded and excited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only said standing was better,” He said cockily. “But that doesn’t make sitting bad. It also doesn’t give you an excuse to draw your attention away from the problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m the one drawing any attention from anything. I think that is someone else’s fault.” She couldn’t help her tone, she was trying to focus on a problem with a vibrator between her legs that her </span>
  <em>
    <span>teacher</span>
  </em>
  <span> put there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, Anderson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not my name,” She smiled, finishing the problem, pushing it towards him. “And I think I’m done, you can check it over, I’ll sit down over here.” She plopped herself down on a leather chair, inhaling sharply through her nose as the bullet moved against her as she sat down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, my name isn’t professor or sir or Dr., but you don’t seem to know that, do you?” He looked at the problem as Rey felt herself getting close, rolling her hips on the leather. Suddenly, he stood up, paper in hand. “And you’ve made a mistake.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t answer; her eyes were closed and she had tuned him out. After a beat, when she was about to finish, her wrist was grabbed roughly. “Don’t come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” She breathed, eyes still closed, her face blissful, unaware of the tension her body was about to go through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you,” He grabbed between her legs, pushing it tight against her. “Don’t come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fucking tell me what to do,” She hissed, but she did try to stop the way her body wanted to release. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you listening to me, dear?” He hummed, pushing two of his fingers against her pants by her entrance. “I feel you holding back. I think you like it.” He smiled dangerously. “I don’t think you’ve done this before, have you?” His voice was low, like her was threatening her. “I’m going to push you as far as you can, maybe further. That would be beautiful, wouldn’t it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had control as he talked, keeping her eyes fixed on the ceiling, but then he dragged his lips and teeth down the exposed skin on her neck, and she tipped over the edge, entangling her hands in his long hair. “Fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so you don’t like listening to me, do you?” He purred, his mouth dangerously close to her ear, the words moving off his lips and onto her reddened skin. “Well, seeing as you can’t listen to your tutor, we’ll have to teach you to…” He paused to kiss her neck, gently sucking the skin of her neck into his mouth. “Submit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wanted to wiggle away from him. However, she let him pull the wet vibrator out of her pants, turning it off. “I’ll never submit to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But who’s pretty mouth called me a whore over the phone when you were with others? Who’s beautiful body came out on a Saturday because she wanted to get fucked. Who lost her virginity to her teacher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, he knew. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I’m not a virgin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, clearly not anymore,” He hummed, straightening his back so he was blocking her in the chair. “You’ve had a busy two days, haven’t you?” He put his hands on the arms of the chair, making her feel utterly trapped. “Are you proud of yourself?” He lifted one hand to gently and slowly drag his nails down her neck, over the new and old bruises on her neck, moving down just below her collar to touch her clavicle, and suddenly dig his nails into her. She let out a quiet yelp. “You’re so pretty, how did you get so far in life without anyone taking advantage of your beautiful body? Were you waiting for something?” He leaned back down, inches from her face. Her breathing shallowed. “What did you see in me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew what to do, suddenly. How to take back control. She leaned in close and kissed him, gentle and soft. She let her mouth trail down to his neck, and he let out a low and quiet sound. When he wasn’t thinking right, she began to give him hickeys on the spots of his skin she knew would be seen, even in a high collared shirt. After a few, she smiled against him. “I found someone that was malleable. Someone that was easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his closed eyes and traced his new, blooming bruises on his neck. “You think I’m the easy one?” He picked her up so she was standing flush with his body, turned her around so she was no longer facing him, and began undoing her pants, plunging a hand into her underwear. She was still wet, both from the vibrator and his talk. “Just kissing me and hearing me talk got you like this? Pathetic.” He let go, and she almost fell on the floor without the support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pivoted to look back at him, but instead of seeing the angry, hungry eyes, she was greeted with something else, something softer. It was odd that he was able to insult and degrade her while still looking at her like he wanted… all of her. Not just all of her body, but her words, her mannerisms, her mind. “I chose you because I know I won’t regret it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, she saw his eyes and face soften, but his demeanor hardened. He was covering up something. “I figured as much. Boys your age don’t know what they’re doing, do they?” He pulled her in again, keeping her close but not too close. “Flirt too desperately, push too far, kiss like they don’t know what they’re doing?” He hummed, like he was thinking. “Do you know how old I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had never considered how old he actually was. Obviously he was older, and he looked a bit older, but his eyes were always so boyish, like he was always excited to see her, like he was incredibly bored. His eyes were so expressive, which made him seem younger to her. “I- I don’t know? You can’t be that much older than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old are you, dear? Did I see that you’re newly 19? That’s a fun age, isn’t it? I was 19 12 years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s 31? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She tried not to get weirded out. She was of age, and he wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>old. Early 30s is still pretty young. “What made 19 an exciting year for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I held my first college party, slept with my first guy, and had $1,000 in my bank account for the first time. At least one of those applies to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was a bit taken aback. They weren’t supposed to be doing this; getting to know each other. “Did you sleep around a lot in college? Or were you more like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed. “I was a grade A slut. Everyone knew it, which made it easier for me, because if people were down, they had no nerves asking me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you ever fall in love with any of them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know why she asked that, and he looked as surprised as she was that she said it. “I think that’s enough for today. I’m sorry we couldn’t do more,” He paused, looking at her unbuttoned pants and the shirt that hung off her frame awkwardly, clearly disheveled. “But you have to go, Rey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye…” She paused, buttoning up her pants and looking back at him, his lower lip pulled into his mouth in thought. “Goodbye Ben.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Whatever you decide to do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the weekend went by within sign of her teacher, which was somewhat a relief, somewhat of a stressor. She almost wished he’d text for her to swing by, tell her off, or even just tell her what her grade was at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Tuesday came, she didn’t want to go to her 2PM stats class. She woke up early, went on a jog, and returned to her principles of design class at 8AM. She went back to her room and changed her clothes. She put on a tight pair of jeans, cuffed to show her fishnets. She wore a long army jacket with a plain black tank top that was short enough to expose a bit of her stomach, also covered in fishnets. She stared at herself in the mirror before deciding she looked hot, but not like she was trying too hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked to class early, and arrived before even Ben did. She was nervous to see him, but when she heard the sound of expensive male formal shoes walking up to her from behind, she didn’t tense or shrink, she maintained steady and didn’t turn to look at him. He quickly walked up to open the door to the lecture hall, but not before slowly looking her up and down with a sad expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed behind him into the empty classroom. She took her usual seat, and he walked up to the whiteboard, writing something about the next lecture. She didn’t focus. She could tell she had fucked up Saturday. But she was also perplexed as to why she had asked it in the first place. Why did she want him to say? Was she asking to know if he loved her? Because that was absurd. He was in his thirties, living his life. And they barely knew each other. Did she expect him to say no, exposing just how lonely he was? Because that was absurd. He didn’t seem like he loved his life, but it was clear that it wasn’t her place to inquire about it </span>
</p><p>
  <span>People began to file in before she could ask him anything privately. She sat through class with her mind in the clouds. She thought about how he looked at her like she was everything, how she melted into him whenever he did anything to her. She thought about how she ruined it by projecting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Class was dismissed, but she stayed in her seat. His back was turned to her as he cleaned up the board. After a few minutes, the class was fully empty, and he finally turned around. His eyes widened when he saw her, but then that same softness washed over his face. “You can’t be here, Ms. Anderson. Class was dismissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t ignore me, Ben. You know that that’s not what either of us really want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t call me Ben,” He said, sounding fully defeated. “Not now, not anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stood up and slowly walked toward him, like she didn’t want to spook a baby deer. “Why are you so scared?” She felt like she could see into his mind. She saw how guarded he was. “Why are you running away from me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you Friday that this,” he gestured to the two of them. “That this isn’t what this is. This is just me proving a point. And I let it go too far. I want it to be over now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t believe you. Here, let’s talk in your office, and we can work something out, even if it’s just an agreement to not get weird in class. We’re both adults, we can work through this.” It felt weird being significantly younger but taking charge like this. She approached him like he could dart at s as my moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” He said, pausing. “But have no expectations for this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He gave her a weary smile. She turned to walk out the class, and she heard his footsteps following behind her, slow and careful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked out onto the quad. The cool October weather wrapped around her, hugging her tight. Ben shivered, feeling cold and empty. As they crossed together, the world spun. It all felt weirdly intimate, but slightly off. There were a few young couples sitting together, enjoying the sun and each other’s company. She couldn’t think of why they made her feel so sad. And for a moment, something evil passed through her brain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pictured her and Ben sitting together on the cool grass, laughing and enjoying a late lunch. She let the image dart through her brain before pushing it as far away as possible. But it did give her a realization as to why she asked him that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a short walk, they were at his office. He unlocked it slowly, and looked back at her quizzically before letting her in, like he didn’t know how he got here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t love you,” Rey started the second the door was fully closed. “And I don’t think you love me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben shook his head in shock. Her bluntness threw him off. “I know and I know. I didn’t think you loved me, Rey. I just think you pushed too far. And I am still confused as to why you asked that specific question. I thought this was all about grades to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was supposed to be about just grades and casual sex. That’s what she had signed up for that first day. “It is,” She said confidently, but she knew there was something else. Something that she saw when his eyes softened when he looked at her. Something that creeped into her brain when she saw the other couples. Something that said ‘what if’? “But I’m still sorry. I don’t know why I asked that, and I shouldn’t push into your life if you don’t want to share.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded slowly, mulling over something in his head. “I want to know something about you, to make it fair.” When she looked surprised, he continued. “It’s not to get to you, it’s just to put us on the same page.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” She thought out loud. “When I’m sad, my favorite thing is a bowl of lucky charms, no milk, with hot cocoa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s far too sweet for my taste,” He paused, and his eyes morphed, betraying some sort of buried kindness. “But thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey took a small step forward, and Ben motioned for her to come closer. He pulled her up against his body, and kissed her. It was less angry and intimate. It was more cautious and careful, like a first kiss. It wasn’t messy or bad, just different. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling herself closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His kiss quickly turned into his more familiar aggressiveness. It was rough, and he began to grab at her body; one hand on her chest and one on her ass. She noticed faded, improperly matched concealer on his neck. She ran a thumb over it, rubbing off some of it. “Tried to hide this from your students, hmm?” He smiled down at her. “Don’t want them to know you get around?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if someone puts together that every time you go to my office we both leave covered in hickeys and bruises?” He kissed her and she flung her arms around his neck. “Do you want this to stop, or even worse, have me fired? Because I realized that a lot is riding on some of our choices.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to worry about me saying anything. I don’t exactly have a place to go if this whole school gig falls through. And it’s not like I have a family to fall back on. And I don’t have any reason to ruin your life, even if I do hate you.” She laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” He smiled, looking down on her before picking her up so she was straddling his waist. “You think you hate me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span> what got us here, isn’t it?” She looked up, inviting him to kiss her exposed neck. He took the invitation, leaving soft kisses on her jaw and upper neck. “I don’t exactly fuck all my teachers. I have to have something to hate them over first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At those words, he bit down. She let out a half-yelp half-gasp. “I thought I taught you better than to talk like that to me?” He moved one of the hands on her back that was supporting her to lift up the edge of her shirt, grazing his cold fingers over her warm skin. He was always so cold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, comfortable back in this role. There was no stress involved in hate-fucking someone. Especially when you could physically never date them. No matter how much you might want to. “I thought we’d established that, no matter how hard it is for you to get through your head, I do not, nor do I want to, listen to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down in the chair with her, and within minutes their clothes were on the floor</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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